The Beginning of Everything
by GLNargle
Summary: [One-Shot] Harry and Hermione survived the war that shook the entire Wizarding World. But nobody escapes the war unscathed and they both have been dealing with their demons alone. It takes only one night of truths and realisations that what they've been looking for was right there all along.


**The Beginning of Everything**

_"Mudblood…" The cackle of her voice went all over her, sending shivers down her spine. The crazy murderous eyes of Bellatrix Lestrange was staring back at her._

_"Mudblood…" She says again as Hermione tries to struggle from the death eater's grip, her wand was nowhere to be seen. Bellatrix laughs while she conjures a dagger. She moves closer to her and tips the dagger on the first letter of the word branded on her..._

_...Mudblood._

_Slowly and painfully she's carving out the words again, the scar reopening and bleeding all over. Hermione struggles. The pain was too much. She screams for help. _

_Where was Harry? Where was Ron? _

_"Shut up, Mudblood!" Bellatrix straightens up, licking the blood from the dagger then spitting it out towards her. _

_"FILTH!" She shrieks then laughs, twirling. For every twirl she casts a Crucio at her. _

_Hermione could feel her lips bleeding as she bites at them every time she feels the Cruciatus curse. She could barely even breathe. She wants the pain to stop. _

_"Just kill me!" She just wanted it to be over. A moment passed and then suddenly she remembered: This is a dream. _

_That seemed to break her out as she pushed herself up. Suddenly all the grime, torn clothes, and blood were gone. Only the wound on her forearm–the scar had remained. _

_"You're not real. You're already dead, Bellatrix." She says. _

_Bellatrix cackles and floats towards her like a dark mist. _

_"Am I really dead?" The coldness of her voice permeates her brain. "I'm never dead as long as I live in your head, Mudblood."_

_"No… no...no...nononono!" _

She woke up, eyes opened wide and her breathing heavy and uneven. She clutched at the scar on her forearm. _Mudblood_, it says. It doesn't hurt anymore, physically anyway.

It was just a dream, a recurring dream. Something that had always haunted her ever since that night at Malfoy's Manor. Even after the war, even when she had busied herself with schoolwork at Hogwarts, it was one thing that was always with her.

Bad dreams.

Nightmares.

Unhealed wounds.

She felt disoriented trying to sit up but felt something heavy around her. She pushed it away, realising a second later that it was an arm. The smell of a man's cologne brought her back to where she is: at a stranger's home and in a stranger's bed.

_What are you doing, Hermione?_

_I have no idea. _

She easily found and wore her clothes from last night. Quietly she left the room and quickly apparated.

* * *

When she'd arrived a moment ago, she'd changed into more comfortable clothing. She stared outside the kitchen window after finishing her glass of water. She didn't want to sleep yet, afraid of the things that will haunt her. There was nothing outside, just the darkness and the moonlight. She tried to push the dream and the thoughts out of her head. A sudden noise broke her reverie, she turned around.

"Hermione…" Even in the darkness she'd recognised the baritone of her best friend's voice.

"Harry," She spoke as he'd turned on the lights. She could see him clearly now. He'd grown after the war, his body a healthy lithe but his face, a bit pale with dark circles around his eyes. He wasn't all throughout healthy. Something insider her nagged at her. How she hadn't noticed this before but she's only got herself to blame. She was too caught up with her own things she'd forgotten Harry. Harry who seemed to be the only constant thing in her life.

Harry had volunteered himself to a raid after work hours, he didn't mind doing it all despite the protests of his superiors. It was better that he was busy because he didn't have to go back to the emptiness and loneliness. Early-in and late-out were his most preferred hours. It was roughly 4 am when he'd arrived at 12 Grimmauld Place and he thought to get some coffee because he didn't want to sleep yet.

He'd opened the door to the kitchen quietly and stepped in. He froze when he could see the familiar outline of a bushy-haired witch. Her back was faced towards him and she looked to be deep in thought with the way her shoulders are slouched and her hands leaning against the counter. The moonlight cascaded around her and Harry had thought how beautiful she looked even if she wasn't facing him. He felt his breath hitching too loudly, breaking the entire silence. She turned to face him.

"Hermione…" He spoke.

"Harry…" She said back as he turned the lights on. "Did you just arrive?"

"Yeah," He answered, noting how she's wearing an old Quidditch jersey of his. It made him feel a bit of something but the thought was easily distracted by the way there were smudges of make up on her face. "Where'd you come from?"

She was confused with his question. He'd seen the look on her face and so he pointed at his face gesturing what he meant.

"Oh," She'd forgotten to take her makeup off, which was what she was going to do before she'd drifted off to her thoughts.

They paused and gave in to the silence of the night then sighed in unison. Both were holding out their breaths, waiting on whoever would speak first.

"Hermione," It was Harry who spoke first, much to her relief because there were so many things going in her mind and she couldn't find the peace to pick one.

"Do you want a cup of tea?" He continued. He couldn't stand the silence and tea was what popped into his mind, forgetting that coffee he was seeking. A small buffer for him to gather his thoughts.

"Sure." She whispered. He nodded at her and waved his wand to set everything up. As soon as everything was ready he led her to the living room where they both sat beside each other on the sofa.

"It's been weeks since you've finished Hogwarts…" Their heads leaned side by side against each other.

"I know..." She moved her head lower on his shoulders.

"But it seems like I've only properly seen you today." He peered at her,accidentally smelling a bit of her hair. The scent had calmed him. It was different, it wasn't the usual Vanilla.

"I know you've been out, Hermione, to places no one would associate with you." He continued. That made her look up at him.

"How'd you–?"

"I'm an Auror, Hermione." He interjected.

"So you've had me followed around?" She'd raised the tone of her voice.

He shook his head. "Of course not."

"Good. I believe you. You don't fool me either, Harry." She leaned back on him. "You've overworked yourself. Don't think I've never noticed.I wish I said something sooner, you know I care about you right?"

"I know you do." He responded.

"And?" She moved and turned to face him.

"I don't know. I think about how much you've done for me, Hermione, and I-I just can't burden you with these things anymore." He let out another heavy sigh.

"You're never a burden, Harry. We've been through so much."

"I know, I know… I just think… I don't know… It's been a year already and I thought I get to figure things out after the war but all I do is prolong, delay things. I feel like the only concrete thing I ever did was to break up with Ginny."

"What about entering the Auror office?" She asked.

He grew silent for a moment then, "It took me long to realise later on that I've only accepted Kingsley's offer because it's what's expected of me. It seemed like a great idea then–that I was going to start walking on this straight path without any detours from any Dark Lord. It's just a fancy and it was only something that kept me busy. It kept me away from my own mind."

"Hence the volunteering after work hours?"

He nodded and looked away from her for a bit. She'd grown too silent and there was the hesitancy on her face. Suddenly inspired, he took her hand and held it. She'd started having that far away look on her eyes now. He cleared his throat and caught her attention.

"I'm going to tell you something, Hermione… " He said, rubbing circles on her hand with his thumb. "... and I'm going to be honest and you'll be honest too."

She only nodded.

He inhaled and exhaled profoundly, preparing himself. He still faced her but closed his eyes.

"I'm not okay…" He stopped rubbing circles on her hand.

"You're not okay…" He felt her try to move her hand away but he gripped it tight without hurting her.

"We're not okay." He heard her take deep breaths then broke into sobs. He opened his eyes and looked at her. He let go of her hand and wiped the tears on her face. "I need you to listen to this next bit because it's going to be long and it needs to be out. Just listen and don't tell me anything 'til I'm done, okay?" She nodded.

"You know what I realised when you went back to finish your studies at Hogwarts? I realised that I had missed you so much. I wish I'd gone with you. I wish I was there with you but I thought that would be unfair to Ron and Ginny. You were still with him then and Ginny thought I just needed more space then I'd come back to her. Anxiety was eating me, Hermione, and there was one moment that kept playing in my head. It was something I would've changed from last year." He paused to breathe.

"I'm sure Ron must've told you about when he'd destroyed the Horcrux locket." He said and she'd nodded again. "You know I told him after that I only love you like a sister. I thought it was weird that it was the one specific bit that bothered me after the war. I didn't realise until later that I was wrong to say those words, that I wanted to take them back. I wasn't lying to Ron back then just to appease his feelings. I believe I was caught in the uncertainty of things, of my future then, that I had rejected whatever I was really feeling for you. I didn't really assess it. I didn't know I was going to make it during the war. I resigned my fate last year, the thought of having a future was just an aspiration to me. After Voldemort was finally gone, I thought things would go back to the way it was. It never really worked out for Ginny and I. I thought I loved her. She made me feel like the Harry without Voldemort and the prophecy in his life. She distracted me and made me feel a bit normal but that was just make belief. I didn't want to be normal, I just wanted to be _Harry_. I thought of it all, I thought of the memories and things. I summed it up and in the end… with _you_, Hermione, I'm _just Harry_."

He took another deep breath and looked into her eyes."My mind has probably gone mad and maybe it's because I've lacked sleep right now or maybe not but Hermione I hope that I make sense when I say that all I ever wanna be is _just to be Harry_ with you."

They continued to stare at each other for a long time. There was like a fissure in the ambience that surrounded them; there was a tell-tale sign that something was sprouting.

Hermione chose to remain silent after hearing everything Harry had said. Her initial reactions were betraying her innermost feelings. She didn't dare ruin the moment. She closed her eyes and relished the warmth of his hold–something, she realised, she never knew she sought and needed.

To Harry, this was enough for now–the way she had clung to him. He'd realised what he had just revealed weren't light but also fragile and it should be treated with caution. For now, he held her and she'd allowed herself to be held.

A moment of silence and then the sleep they both tried to tirelessly evade sneaked swiftly towards them.

* * *

_"Are you ready?" The voice was muffled, as if she were underwater and the person talking to her was above the surface. She looked around in the total darkness, her environment still about to be revealed. _

_"Hermione, be ready. I'll try to open it the way Harry did with the other Horcrux." It was Ron. She blinked her eyes a couple of times as her brain registered the Chamber of Secrets. She took in her surroundings, the acrid smell from the pipes and the dank of its slippery stone floors. She hugged herself for a bit. _

_"Here…" Ron handed her a Basilisk fang. "I think you should be the one to destroy the cup."_

_"Ron, I-" _

_"I've already destroyed the locket, Hermione, and I bloody don't want to experience it all over again. I think it just makes sense you get to destroy this one." Ron said. _

_She didn't hesitate this time and thought that it's a good idea. "Okay." _

_Ron nodded and placed the cup on the floor. "Ready?" _

_"Ready." _

_It took him a few tries to say the words in Parseltongue but when he had finally done it, a dark cloud erupted from the cup. _

_Suddenly, there was only her and the dark. Where was Ron? _

_She tried to concentrate as the cloud turned into a figure. She couldn't make it out at first but then a familiar cackle resonated throughout the Chamber. A chill went through her body and she felt the fresh engraving on her skin throb. _

_"You thought you could escape me?" A fully formed but also unreal Bellatrix Lestrange stood in front of her. _

_Hermione felt herself freeze as she moved towards her and spoke into her ears. "You will never escape me. I will haunt you until your filth is gone from this world." _

_"I know who you are. I know what you are… Mudblood. You think you are brilliant? You're nothing but the lowest of scum. Whatever you do, whatever you achieve… at the end of it all, deep in your filthy heart… you know… you know…" _

_"HERMIONE DESTROY THE CUP!" _

_Hermione closed her eyes and shook her head. "You're not real. You're not real. " She kept that mantra as she moved towards the cup, preparing to stab it with the Basilisk fang. _

_The image of Bellatrix swirled into a dark figure but continued to cackle in her voice. _

_"You don't deserve him!" It said. That drove her more to finally stab it. The cackle turned into a shriek. _

_"You don't deserve him!" Was the last thing it said until the entire cup erupted, bringing along a wave of water that washed all over them. _

_You don't deserve him. _

_That stuck in her brain and in sudden confusion and relief, she ran towards Ron and kissed him. _

_The scene dissolved to a further time, months after the war. She was meeting up with Ron during a Hogsmeade holiday. _

_"Hey," She approached as he stood by the entrance to the village. He'd greeted her back coldly. "What's gotten into you?" _

_Ron just scoffed and started to walk ahead. She followed him and pulled his arm. _

_"Talk to me, Ron." She calmly said. _

_"So now you want to talk huh?" He replied. _

_"What do you mean? Of course I want to talk to you." She answered. _

_"We promised each other we were going to make this work, Hermione, with you here in Hogwarts but it seems like you don't really care about us." _

_"I do care about us!" She argued. _

_"I don't think you do. I feel like I'm doing most of the work here. You haven't been replying to the owls I've been sending." That made her pause and looked away from him. _

_"I was busy." She weakly said, suddenly feeling dread. _

_"Bullshit!" Ron retorted. "I can't do this anymore, Hermione. I don't think you want this, us. I don't think I want us either."_

_She looked at him in shock but what had surprised her was the relief of hearing those words. She was about to say something but Ron suddenly became distorted. _

_Slowly, Ron had become _**_her_**_. The familiar voice slithered into her hearing. _

_" Mudblood… you can't escape me…" _

_No, not again. _

_"You don't deserve him…" _

_It took her long to actually realise what it meant until _**_she_**_ became _**_him_**_. _

_Harry. _

_"You don't deserve him…"_

BOOM!

Loud cracks of thunder shook the entire house and brought Hermione up from her slumber. There was a little bit of disorientation before trying to calm the unsteadiness of her breathing. Her thoughts swirled with aftermath confusion and analysis of what she had just dreamed.

"Hermione," She snapped out of her thoughts. She'd just remembered he was beside her all the time. "You okay?"

"Was just having a dream." She replied then winced when thunder rumbled again. Harry frowned at her and then looked at the tea cups they never touched.

Lightning flashed followed by thunder and the sound of heavy rain. She bit her lip, what a mood to wake up from a nightmare into a gloomy day.

Harry looked at her and felt his heart drop at the anxiety written all over her place. He had felt the tremor of her waking from a bad dream and it was only then that he had cursed himself badly for not trying to talk to her sooner.

"Hey," He placed his hands affectionately on her shoulders. "It's already noon, why don't you relax for a bit and I'll prepare lunch." She agreed with a nod. He gave her a small smile then decided to give her a kiss on her forehead.

"I promise we'll talk more after." He whispered in her ear.

* * *

"She still haunts my dreams. Bellatrix." Hermione said as she played with the pasta on her plate, suddenly losing her appetite. They sat at the kitchen because the dining room was just too big for the both of them. She went still, preparing herself to say more. Harry let her be, he didn't want to force her to do or say things she isn't comfortable about.

"I still think about it. That night in Malfoy Manor. It was the worst thing ever a-and…" Her voice broke and faded, hearing that gave a pang to Harry's chest. She'd let go of the fork and he held her hand. Her breathing started going into bursts before a sob escaped from her. He got out of his seat and moved to hold her.

_That night in Malfoy Manor. _

There was a sudden pause that shook them both, taking them to the same place but of different dimensions.

For Harry, it took him back to the dungeon. It took him back to hearing her screams. Screams that shook him to the core and made him freeze. That helpless situation, that first domino that started the fall. That thought of possibility that he could've lost her that night. It had also reminded him of what had happened to her at the Department of Mysteries. Those memories had plagued him. It was then that the truth had started to reveal right in front of him: Harry Potter's world without Hermione Jean Granger would be the most dreadful thing in the universe.

For Hermione, it brought her to the state of worthlessness. Lying down on the floor as that dreadful bitch branded her with eight letters. Pain that had seemed infinite attacked her receptors. She barely questioned herself up until then. She had never wanted to give up until then. She'd always thought of that moment. The moment she could've died. She thought of the things she had done. Would they have been enough? They had always called her brilliant but she didn't think she really was. Setting those aside there was something– well _someone_ she'd thought of. _Harry. _He had filled her thoughts so naturally. If she had died then what would've become of Harry after? So much of her life now had involved him. That memory of Hagrid carrying his 'dead' body stole a part of her and had never really been returned. It felt like the catalyst; the reshuffling of Hermione's thoughts and feelings.

It had seemed like this precise moment jumbled the scattered jigsaw pieces, setting them up to correctly place itself to the right places.

"I thought I could do it." She'd found a good amount of courage to speak her mind. "I thought that after the war, after all of those, I could move on. It had seemed easy, you know? It's like a mental outline: go back to Hogwarts and finish my education. Graduate and find a job that will make a difference. I did all of those. In fact, I focused too much on those over the past year. It was okay, right? I deserved it after the war. There wasn't anything or anyone to stop me. There was no more Voldemort to threaten us. It was my routine but as I got on, it was never the same. I have felt detached. I had put on more work because I didn't want to deal with the nightmares." She took an intermission to gather herself more.

"Then the thing with Ron, I thought I wanted it to work. I thought I was convinced that it was him because damn it, if you had Ginny and if Ginny had you then I should have Ron.I think I was just trying to replicate what you and Ginny supposedly then you and Ginny broke up and I started questioning my relationship with Ron. Love… romance aren't my forte and Ron felt like the given answer but it wasn't, _he_ wasn't. It was why our break up didn't affect me much. It was only the thought that was nice. It was a façade. It wasn't real. I love Ron but not romantically. He will always be one of my best friends. After that I had only my schoolwork to put my energy in. I was doing what I do best."

She took another moment to inhale and exhale deeply. "After graduation, I was relieved that you'd offered for me to stay here. I didn't want to stay with Ginny at the Burrow and I didn't want to go to Australia with my parents. You're my best friend, Harry, and I ought to have spent time with you over the last year. Guilt had started gnawing me when I'd realised over the time I've been staying here that we've become strangers to each other. I have been so overly focused on myself–of the stupid emptiness and loneliness I've been feeling. I've been feeling so lost. I thought I knew where I was going to, I thought I knew what I wanted. I didn't want to throw it on you, you've been through so much already. I wanted you to finally be yourself. I had thought it was best if I had just let you be. I know it wasn't smart but yes, I've been going to places to find ways to distract myself. I'm not proud to admit that I've shared a bed with strangers thinking it'll somehow make me feel. I have felt nothing but numbness and last night, well I never really knew how much I've missed you, Harry. When I turned around and you were in front of me, it had felt like a dam had exploded and I've had been flooded with all these emotions and feelings. When you said that you wanted to be _just Harry, _when you said could be you with me, well guess what?" She moved even closer to him now. "I wanted that too and I never really knew that it was both enough and everything. You and me, it just feels right."

She had looked deeply into those emerald eyes and it seemed like everything had built up to this moment of closure, not the end of the story but a start of a new chapter.

He had brought his face closer to hers and it is when their lips first touch that the ache of missing something and the pangs of loneliness had been eased.

For the two of them this was it. This was the right moment.

This was a moment where they had just dipped their toes into the water and knew that it was better than fine to dive right in.

Harry Potter knew that moments like these are something one doesn't take for granted. From the moment he had met her on the train, from everything that they'd been through and to now. The universe has this thing of being complicated and ridiculous. It has a way to lead one astray and it's when one is lost that they're aware that the things they've always needed, the person who is their entire infinite universe, was just there along.

It was always Hermione.

Hermione Granger had always known that there was something special when she had met this bespectacled boy on the train many years ago. Her rational mind stopped her from dwelling too much on it. It was only then through some bouts of 'irrationality' that she had opened herself, it was only then during the Forest of Dean that she had to stop herself from denying. It was only after Ron and after today that she had let go of whatever was holding her back. The future scares her, but she wasn't alone. This was the beginning of everything, with him.

**A/N:I've been very busy and I haven't been able to write much. I'll also get back to editing this later. I hope you enjoyed this one-shot and please do write a review. **


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